he makes my thoughts stop

my mind is constantly racing like race horses day and night and no matter what I do I can’t escape the battlefield that is my own mind 

but he makes it stop 

this and that and that and this and here and there and then and now and he and she and them and what if and who and what and how 

then I see his face and instead of hurricanes and tornadoes deep inside of myself I feel a calm ocean coupled with a beautiful sunset that is his smile

when I see him. 

my thoughts that race like trains on tracks are usually thoughts surrounding him and his complete existence and these thoughts make me smile but it’s not just him in my train track racehorse thoughts it’s everything.

it’s everything I hate about myself and everything I see and everything that I wonder and all these and’s drive me insane and in the same moment in time when I think that my head will implode I see him 

and when I see him it’s calm

it’s still

it stops

it’s peace

and for those hours that I spend in his space and time and atmosphere and essence I am at peace and my mind is as well

I no longer wonder about here nor there nor this nor that nor that not this nor he nor she nor them nor where nor why

the only thing I can comprehend is the exquisiteness in his simple stunning shy smile 

the way it makes me feel like I’m in a meadow surrounded by flowers that can’t die even if you pick them and then I leave him and my thoughts begin to drive me crazy again like they are now and I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop and my life seems to spiral because of the demons in my thoughts and I don’t have a way to escape them because he’s gone and 

then my phone rings

then they stop

then I’m at peace

you’re the equivalent of an ending to 1000 wars 

you’re the greatest nobody to me.

 

 

 

jay.

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